Author: jzreads_nb6ikc Page 2 of 3

From Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

How Stephen Covey has personally influenced me

Did I ever mention that it was Stephen Covey who first inspired me to blog? It was because of his book that I had the sudden revelation I wanted to be a mentor others could rely on for advice and insight. Now, I don’t consider myself an expert, but rather a “vessel” that reiterates the knowledge from the books I read, imparting the interesting wisdom I’ve come across.

The issue with modern self-help books

Stephen Covey remarked about an interesting phenomenon he encountered when reading self-help literature. Early forms of self-improvement and popular psychology from the 18th and 19th centuries were focused on the importance of having a strong moral fiber as keys to successful living. The emphasis was placed on the individual’s values aligning with so-called ‘natural laws’ and similar principles of living a righteous life. He coined this school of thought the ‘Character Ethic.’

Upon reading success literature from the past 50 years, Covey found that the tips had become more and more superficial – concerned more so with quick tips and techniques used to solve these problems. These practices and advice could appear to solve these acute problems but never addressed the underlying issues; this would cause the same problems to reemerge. Covey coined this phenomenon the ‘Personality Ethic.’

“What do you mean by Ethics?”

I really can’t do it justice, so I’ll let Covey take it over from here:

Dissecting Covey’s definitions

There’s nothing inherently wrong with the Personality Ethic (at least some parts of it); in fact, Covey concedes “that [certain] elements of the Personality Ethic – personality growth, communication skill training, and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking – are…[,] in fact sometimes essential for success.”

These are, however, secondary traits rather than primary traits. It’s akin to building upon a shaky foundation. Trying to use personality techniques while having a fundamentally flawed character will not yield permanent success as there is no foundation for lasting success to be achieved.

Final Thoughts

If I were permitted to recommend only a single book from the realm of self-improvement and self-growth, it would be this one. And it’s because of this discussion that elucidates the key differences between these Ethics.

Nowadays, nearly every single growth/improvement book is enshrined in the Personality Ethic. I believe that it’s crucial to understand this when taking advice from this literature. It’s important to not forget that your foundation—character and values—must also be considered alongside those authors’ advice.

“Only basic goodness gives life to technique”

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Covey, S. R., Covey, S., & Collins, J. C. (2023). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Blackstone Publishing.

Inspired by Dr. Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

My mission is to be a powerfully positive force on the world.

Guided by…

Values: Honorable, Ambitious, Kind, Caring, Humble, Empathetic, Loyal
Discipline: Prioritize long-term Quadrant II investment over short-term pleasure
Mentors: Learn and build upon those with experiences in other fields
Mentoring/Leading: Invest in others in an interdependent way
Growth Mindset: Dedicated to expanding my current range of skills and abilities
God: Remembering the teachings of Jesus and to be full of his Spirit

These roles are important to me…

Son/Brother: For the people I care most about, I will work the hardest to uphold my mission. To improve and grow united through thick and thin with unwavering loyalty.
Student: Continual pursuit of knowledge will help drive me to improve myself consistently.
Christian: To stay humbler, but thankful for God’s blessings. To live my life according to Jesus’s principles.
Mentor: To teach and lead by example so that I’m a catalyst for change in other’s lives.

Inspired by Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

People like to ask what the meaning of life is as if it were an objective question with a clear and definitive answer. That’s precisely why the question is seemingly impossible to answer. In reality, this answer has no one answer; rather, it’s based on whom you’re asking. Stephen Covey coins this purpose as one’s mission in life and subsequently recommends that you curate your own mission statement – a document that defines the way you want to live your life.

The importance of a mission statement

Oftentimes we find ourselves become absorbed by the rhythm of living life where it begins to start controlling us. The following thought experiment helps us identify what our true priorities are and take back that control:

All of a sudden the mundane of the everyday disappears and becomes irrelevant and our true priorities and values in life appear. What is it that you truly want to accomplish with your finite amount of time?

Write your mission statement

Stephen Covey’s mission statement builder: https://msb.franklincovey.com/

My personal mission statement: https://www.jzreads.com/2024/06/13/my-mission-statement/

How it has benefitted me

I try to read my mission statement everyday. It helps me ground myself in what I truly value and care. It gives me the capacity to step back and view the bigger picture rather than being stuck living in the past or present. It inspires me to live up to what I aspire to do and who I aspire to be.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m imperfect – one of my struggles is with discipline as I find it difficult to break bad habits. But having my mission statement as a reference helps me identify the ideal life I want to live and motivates me to work towards achieving it.

Based on ‘So you want to talk about race’ by Dr. Ijeoma Oleo

Privilege, in the social justice context, is an advantage or a set of advantages that you have that others do not. While privilege is often ascribed to certain social groups such as race, physical ability, gender, class, etc., they can also lie in unforeseen areas – sexuality, body type, and neurological differences.

The connotation has completely shifted recently. Having a privilege or being part of a privileged class now creates a visceral emotion – whether it’s shame, denial, vitriol, or even indifferent.

“Check your Privileges”

Those closest to me know I hold strongly held beliefs – whether it’s religious, spiritual, or political. One thing that I try my best to do is to communicate openly and actively listen, especially when I’m discussing my perspective with someone who may not share the same belief system; and it’s hard especially when emotions get mixed in.

That’s why I HATE this phrase. It’s dismissive of their feelings and shuts down any productive conversation that could have arose from the situation – even IF they may actually have a privilege that they may not recognize they have. And most of the time, it serves no other purpose besides trying to win an argument or to silence opposition.

It’s my belief that the increased and continual use of this phrase leads to such backlash or negative connotation associated with the word ‘privilege’ and possessing one. It has weaponized the word, turning what was once a neutral word into one that is met with hostility or denial.

The Need to Recognize Privilege

This whole social and cultural shift disappoints me because I maintain that society would greatly benefit from introspection. Understanding the nuance behind what separates those who “have” and those who “have-not” allows for open dialogue on how we as a society can bridge this gap and tackle inequality.

All that being said, this begins with you. Have an honest conversation with yourself on what certain privileges you may have and benefit from. From there, you can better empathize how not having that privilege may negatively affect your life – something you may not have been aware of before. I find that writing it down as a list is beneficial and I turn to the following passage from Dr. Oleo’s So you want to talk about race as inspiration and a strong example; in fact, it’s this exact chapter that’s inspired this post.

When we think of someone who has privilege, we typically don’t think about a black single mom putting herself through college who also had to work every evening to help her single mom make ends meet. That’s really what stuck out to me: that someone who clearly went through so many trials and tribulations were reflecting on all the privileges that they were given.

Redefining Privilege

I think that if we were to redefine privilege, it’d avoid causing visceral reactions and lead to more productive conversations around the topic of privilege.

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Privilege is an advantage that can’t be 100% attributed to your effort. Oftentimes, hard work leads to a manifestation of this privilege – making it different from pure luck or chance.

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I was at the bank earlier today because I was depositing money to pay off a speeding ticket I received yesterday. There was a gentleman who was being helped by an adjacent teller.

I was also there to place an order for checks. I know, I know, literally no one uses checks anymore, but the only options for paying for the speeding ticket was 1) Sending a check or money order through the mail or 2) Paying via the online form and incurring a 2.75% service fee (which came out to $5 on an already $181 ticket). I’m petty – if I could save $5 this way I honestly would.

My teller told me that ordering checks costs $18. I didn’t even realize that ordering checks would cost money. I thought that was the whole point of a CHECKING account. I really wasn’t about to pay $18 for something that I most likely won’t use more than once or twice a year.

The guy next to me just got finished what he was doing and was heading out. He heard me contemplate over whether to pay for the checkbooks, doubled back, and slapped $20 on the counter and told the clerk to “get him the checks.” I chased him down with the twenty and was trying to give it back to him – I didn’t really need those checks or the twenty dollars. My reluctance to buy the checks wasn’t necessarily from a needs-based perspective, I was just being frugal.

That honestly made my day. $20 is nothing to sneeze at: it isn’t life-changing money, but it wasn’t meant to be. This guy I don’t know and may never know wanted to do something extremely generous to a complete stranger. Something about that makes me a sense of sanguinity, especially in the face of the pain and suffering of current events.

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Whoever you are kind stranger, thank you

Based off the famous Harvard research study on relative vs absolute wealth
Source: https://doi.org/10.1016/S0167-2681(98)00089-4

(Survey Instrument)

Instructions: In the questions below, there are two states of the world (State A and State B). You are asked to pick which of the two you would prefer to live in. The questions are independent. For each question, pick either A or B. If undecided, choose both A and B.

‘Others’ is the average other person in society.

Consider the following:

Source: https://www.jstor.org/stable/48714630; Is more always better?

This was a study conducted by the Harvard School of Health in 1995 on the psychology of human behavior. Back then the choices were between $50k vs $25k and $100k vs $200k – I adjusted it to inflation.

Participants essentially chose between a lower absolute quality in life versus a higher one – with the only difference being their relative financial standing/position in society.

Link to Full Survey Instrument and Research Paper

Study’s Findings

In the scenario of having more relative income vs more absolute income, the results concluded that 56% of respondents opted to live in a status quo where they had 50% less absolute income but higher relative income.

While this difference isn’t too significant, people cared more about having a higher relative status quo in attractiveness and intelligence.

• Assuming physical attractiveness can be measured from 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest):
  • 75% picked having a physical attractiveness of 6; others average 4.
  • <25% picked having a physical attractiveness of 8; others average 10.

• Assuming intelligence can be described by IQ on current tests:
  • 68% picked having an IQ of 110; others average 90
  • 32% picked having an IQ of 130; others average 150

The Human Condition

This study aimed to examine human traits such as altruism, envy, status, and competition.

Positional concerns about how much money, fame, and power others have plays heavily into how one perceives someone else‘s success. Viewing someone‘s accomplishment as your own failure leads to an attitude of constantly competing with others and a feeling of smugness or envy if perceptions of being “better” or “worse” than someone arises.

Those who elect to have relatively less as long as it’s mutually beneficial to all parties are altruistic – where their concerns lie either in a collective benefit or they are not concerned about their relative position in life.

Culture and Comparison

Coming from a cultural background where comparison was not just tolerated but actively encouraged, comparing myself to others was normal to me. My parents tell me of how in grade school everyone’s test scores and grades were posted publicly – full names and everything. It seems so natural that they would grow up comparing themselves to others.

This comparison, however, is toxic to everyone involved. The individual who is compared to someone they deem “better” feels insecurity, anxiety, stress, negative self-worth. The individual who prides themself in being “better” than others grows attached to this (often false) sense of security and sense of superiority.

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It’s important to treat ourselves with kindness upon realizing our tendencies to compare. Comparison was an evolutionary trait that actually benefitted our ancestors since resource competition was critical. However, we are no longer hunting and gathering. Today’s world is full of abundance and plenty, so this instinct becomes a fixation on materialistic comparisons which serves little purpose.

Having learned and grown so much in the past years have made me realize that it is so much better to protect your own peace and practice not just mindfulness but also gratitude.

I’m not here to lecture or diminish the value of ambition and the pursuit of success – these qualities are important in their own right. Rather, I’m advocating for balance where an emphasis is placed on self-fulfillment, inner peace, and gratitude.
It’s important to embrace and love yourself and appreciating the many privileges, gifts, and blessings that we’ve been graced with.

Using my personal budgeting template :p

Achieving financial security requires twofold: One way is by securing a stable source of income and the other is properly managing your assets.

People are fixated on achieving the first step that the second step is often overlooked or neglected. I mean, we go to school for 13 years to receive enough education to earn this income. Some of us will even go to school for 4,6, or even 8+ years in order to chase this (hard-earned and well-deserved financial security). Yet, this entire time spent on education, how much is focused on proper management of that income after it hits your bank account?

It’s no wonder people who experience a financial windfall from the lottery or other sudden influx of monies tend to lose them within only a handful of years. And it’s easy to scoff or chastise these folks and talk about how “I would’ve put it all in the stock market and lived off those dividends forever.” But would you really?

Have you ever made impulsive purchases because it was something that you just HAD to buy. Or have you made purchases once payday hits and are eating ramen the days leading up to the following payday. Do you contribute to a savings account, retirement fund, or have an emergency rainy day fund? Because if you have made such purchases and don’t save, what’s stopping you from splurging on that same windfall if it were to ever happen?

“dOnT buY tHAt 5 dOLLaR cOfFeE” – some rich, out-of-touch media personality

I’m not implying that drinking $5 starbucks coffees will make you poor; in fact, I think that someone who believes that is extremely out of touch and that you should treat yourself rather than count your pennies like Mr. Scrooge McDuck over there.

However, what I am saying is that we are most likely bad with money and holding on to it. Myself included: I don’t have a savings account or an emergency fund. BUT what I espouse isn’t MY advice, but rather the advice of those who have earned financial security through both hard work and diligent saving. I hope you’re motivated to start saving now, so let’s begin 🙂

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Baby Steps

If you’ve never tracked your expenses before, my recommendation is that you actually don’t use this budget template. At least not immediately. It can be hard to jump directly to creating budgets and abiding by them religiously.

My suggestion is this: you create a basic Excel spreadsheet on your phone. Crate 3 columns at the bare minimum: one for date, one for description, and one for amount. Format it so that at the very bottom of the amounts column, it calculates the grand total expenditure. (Hopefully you have Microsoft OneDrive because it’ll also sync to your other devices; otherwise, your phone is something you have on you all the time so it’s a great place for your expense tracker to be stored locally).
After each purchase, you immediately put it into your phone. The date, what the purchase was for, and for how much.

When it has become habitual for you to keep track of those expenses after each purchase, you’re ready for the Budget Template.

Budget Realistically

I attended a Women’s Entrepreneurship Conference hosted at WCU (admittedly for extra credit from one of my classes). There was a speaker there who was helping motivate the audience about being financial savvy and how to be smart with money and investing.

After her presentation, she opened the floor to asking her questions. I spoke up about how it was difficult for me to budget and I found myself constantly going over budget. It was challenging to try to come under budget.

Her advice was simple but effective: Budget realistically

It’s very easy to try and be ambitious with your budgeting and set a lower limit for expenditure – but if you’re constantly trying to squeeze yourself too tightly and going over that limit it’s a sign that the budget itself isn’t effective. You may try to set a budget that you WANT, but if it’s not doable then you may be extending yourself too hard.

It’s important to be gracious to yourself, but it’s equally important that you are able to be consistent in achieving your goals. So, make sure that it’s something that you can manage that also helps keep you accountable.

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My Template

Modify ONLY the cells that are yellow. DON’T TOUCH the cells that are green or blue

On the ‘Personal Monthly Budget’ sheet, you can modify each section as well as each category – the default ones are only placeholders. Set your projected costs as your budget and your best estimates for your incomes. Make sure to put your starting balance in the top left.

Then input your expenses (and income) in the ‘Expenses Table’ sheet. The second sheet will constantly update and tabulate the categories for you. In the Expenses Table will update you with how much income you’ve made or how much remaining in each category.

*within limits

Based on Effects of Self-Compassion Training on Work-Related Well-being: A Systematic Review

How?

So many negative emotions surface when we compare what we “should” be doing to what we actually do. Feel guilt or shame for “wasting time,” less successful compared to some of our peers, or grow frustrated with ourselves for not accomplishing our goals.
And yet, we gain nothing by feeling this way, this negative self-talk is counter-productive. Having these nagging voices in the back of your head make you LESS likely to commit to further improving yourself.

Practicing self-compassion and allowing yourself grace makes you feel better about yourself or what you achieve – which isn’t just good for your mental health, but makes your end product better.

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Self-Compassion is productive

Think about the last time someone kept pestering you to finish an assignment. Maybe it was your boss over a deliverable or your mom telling you to clean your plate. If they are constantly pestering you, you may end up doing it, but only begrudgingly.

Now think about a time you completed something as a part of one of your hobbies. Not only was that activity enjoyable, it was something that didn’t require constant supervision.

Not pressuring yourself to complete something on someone else’s timeline always yields positive results. So why listen to those negative voices urging us to finish on THEIR timeline?

The 4-step process to break the cycle of negative self-talk:

1) Would you talk like this to your friend?

An amazing grounding exercise when you begin to feel these negative emotions is to do the following:

Ask yourself, would you say this to a dear friend?

“Josh, I can’t believe you napped for over 2 hours – you wasted so much of your day! Didn’t you want to be productive and do xyz today?”

“Why are you snacking this late at night? You gain more weight eating so close to bedtime!”

“Couldn’t you be doing something more useful to your life than GAMING?”

This person sounds like a jerk! Why would they say such horrid stuff about you – aren’t friends supposed to be supportive and understanding?

So we know these things are objectively mean, so why do we let our own negative thoughts disparage us? This confirms our suspicions that these negative thoughts are in the wrong, eliminating any doubt we should have.

2) Identify those negative thoughts

Now that we can catch when negative thoughts arise, next step is to identify those feelings.

Ask yourself, how do these thoughts make me feel?

“I wanted to nap for 25 minutes, but I ended up napping for over an hour and a half! I feel guilty because I have a lot of things to do still.”

“I ate my leftover sandwich at midnight. I feel like a failure because I told myself I’d start my healthy habits yesterday and I already broke it.”

“I gamed for 3 hours?!? I feel anxious since I only finished a third of my assignment and I was supposed to be 70% done by now!”

Notice how in each scenario, when you identify your negative feelings, it is easier to reflect on why those feelings my have arisen in the first place. Identifying your feelings allows you pinpoint the logic behind why you feel the way you do in the first place.

3) What is the evidence for/against you still achieving those goals?

When you start feeling these emotions, it’s easy to let those emotions take control. One of the most common ways it controls us is by clouding our logic and reasoning. It hijacks our thoughts into being hyperfocused on the past instead of looking to the future.

When this happens, flip it around instead. Change your mindset to one that is both true and convenient for you.

“I just wasted so much time” “After napping I am able to complete the work in less time than if I was sleep deprived”

“I failed my goal to not midnight snack” “I’m slowly adjusting my nighttime snacking time to be earlier in the evening”

“I procrastinated by gaming for sooooo long” “I treated myself today to spending quality time with my friends. Going forward, I’ll treat myself after I’m satisfied with the work I completed”

Notice how both statements are true, and yet one of them is drastically better for your self-talk and mental health.

4) Follow through on your promises to yourself

By far the MOST important step!!!!

It is ESSENTIAL that you do this step. Without following through, the first 3 steps are completely useless, if not counterproductive.

DO the work after your nap.
COMMIT to snacking earlier.
PRIORITIZE your work before gaming.

Remember that you are making promises to yourself, your future selves.
By not attempting to change, you are only cheating yourself.^

^BUT, DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT beat yourself up for inconsistency – that is not self-love, self-compassion, or healthy.

Say you want to change, TRULY want that change, and commit to that change; but it is completely ok if you slip.

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My personal experience:
Ambition is a double-edged sword

It’s very easy to get swept up into trends and I would say hustle culture is no different. Especially as a young, ambitious twentysomething, your entire life is in front of you and it’s easy to try to do everything, to achieve everything, to be everything, all at once.

I found myself taking on way too much: excelling in school, involvement in leadership and clubs, professional development, research, applying for internships, thinking about graduate school… Heck, even this website is an ambitious little side project of mine.

Ambition can be good, but there’s a right and wrong way to be ambitious and I was doing ambition wrong.

I love you dear reader for your time. However, above all else
LOVE YOURSELF <3

No, not a “get rich quick” scheme.

Based on Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad Poor Dad
Rating: 5/10. I believe that this book definitely has some good tips in it on how to be smart with your money and manage your finances better.

Caveats:
1) It automatically assumes that you have discretionary money that you can then save.
I find it a slap in the face to assume that people who aren’t rich are spendthrift, whereas there are so many people out there living paycheck to paycheck and couldn’t accrue savings if they tried. It gives ‘rich person syndrome’
2) Robert Kiyosaki never got rich through the methods he espouses in the book.
He actually got rich mainly through selling his series of books. Real Estate is way more difficult said than done. Ironic, right?

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