Inspired by Dr. Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly
Have you noticed that we seem more disconnected from one another as ever? Which seems strange because we have access to individuals at essentially the blink of an eye.
[I feel old saying this] People today seem less and less willing to listen and understand to one another. More divisive, unempathetic, disdainful, judgmental. I think it’s a byproduct of the internet and not really thinking about the human behind a username, profile picture, account.
This is why the following excerpt really hit hard for me:
Excerpt from Daring Greatly
Last week, while I was trying to enjoy my manicure, I watched in horror as the two women across from me talked on their phones the entire time they were getting their nails done. They employed head nods, eyebrow raises, and finger-pointing to instruct the manicurists on things like nail length and polish choices…
When I finally made a comment about the women on their cell phones, they both quickly averted their eyes. Finally, in a whisper, the manicurists said, “They don’t know. Most of them don’t think of us as people.”
On my way home, I stopped at Barnes & Noble to pick up a magazine. The woman ahead of me in line bought two books, applied for a new “reader card,” and asked to get one book gift-wrapped without getting off of her cell phone. She plowed through the entire exchange without making eye contact or directly speaking to the young woman working at the counter.
She never acknowledge the presence of the human being across from her.
After leaving Barnes & Noble, I went to a drive-through fast food restaurant to get a Diet Dr. Pepper. Right as I pulled up to the window, my cell phone rang…[I answered it, thinking it was important, but since it wasn’t,] I got off the phone as quickly as I could…
[During that short call, we finished the transaction.] I apologized to her the second I got off the phone… I must have surprised her because she got huge tears in her eyes and said, “Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea how humiliating it is sometimes. They don’t even see us.”
I see adults who don’t even look at their waiters when they speak to them. I see parents who let their young children talk down to store clerks. I see people rage and scream at receptionists, then treat the bosses/doctors/bankers with the utmost respect.
When we treat people as objects, we dehumanize them.
When we treat people as objects, we dehumanize them
It was absolutely heartbreaking reading that part of the book. We are all humans who thrive on connection, empathy, and understanding. It honestly makes me angry seeing how certain individuals look down on service workers – that all because they are there to serve, means that they are lesser than, unworthy of the same respect a lawyer/doctor/bankers “deserve.”
I think that how this disconnection manifests ‘in the real world’ is much more apparent than on the web, but that this type of behavior has become the norm online. I see girls showing off their cute club outfits on Instagram met with vicious comments like “fatherless behavior, sluts, attention seekers, asking for it.” I see men openly hostile towards women who describe their height preferences, attacking their weight, looks, and picking at anything they can grasp. I see women talking about a dating experience, met with “dump him, red flag behavior,” that not leaving him is akin to having no/little self-respect. I see people quick to judge each other’s political views. I see people who attack and send death threats to individuals who criticize their favorite celebrity. I see people who leave comments on their girl friends’ posts only to gossip about them behind their back. I’ve seen people misuse terms like ‘gaslighting,’ causing serious harm by minimizing the experiences felt by those who have experienced the psychological trauma that comes from the abuse that meets the clinical definition of gaslighting. I’ve seen people misappropriate “I’m so OCD, ADHD, bipolar…” without a clue about the struggles associated with those who experience it.
When did all of this become so vitriolic, so flagrantly deprecating of others or self. When did we stop seeking to understand or empathize, and deferring to snap judgments? When did we stop treating others as humans with a unique set of individual traits, interests, desires, trauma, pain, experiences, and instead as monolithic, one-dimensional entities to be judged in black or white?
Be Kind
References:
Brown, B. (2015). Daring Greatly : How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Avery Publishing Group.
Aliyah Maxwell
I agree, media outlets have created a disconnect between humans on a daily basis. Social media has negatively influenced many people throughout the years. It alters how one may think of themselves and/or others. Moreover, how they view relationships, friendships, work, etc… There was a time when social media was a friendly escape from reality, but now it’s an unhealthy escape that flows into the present in- person reality. I like how you mentioned “Be Kind” at the end. Kindness can go very far for yourself and others! I hope everyone can practice kindness. Remember we are all human and it’s okay to have human experiences and share experiences, along with connecting with one another.