Inspired by Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People1

This is the first of 3 ‘private victories’ – so called habits that help you unlock your independence. It’s one of my favorite ones because putting it to practice empowers me to take control and responsibility for my actions, behaviors, and reactions.

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What Makes Us Human

We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We are not even our thoughts.

The very fact we can think about these things separates us from [animals and makes us uniquely human].

Our capacity for self-awareness and independent will is what separates us from animals. However, many of us fall into the trap of determinism, which is the theory that we are largely determined by conditioning and conditions.

Stimulus and Response

Our greatest asset as humans is our freedom to choose the response to stimuli. While we may have instincts and training, we’re also able to rewire ourselves to override this innate programming. Determinism is the stimulus/response theory that we are only the product of our conditioning and conditions; this essentially frames us as completely powerless to affect change, which is simply untrue.

These are the 3 most common traps of determinism:

  • Genetic Determinism: Your genes condition you to be, act, or feel this way. “I have a temper because it runs in the family.”
  • Psychic Determinism: Your parents and upbringing condition you this way. Your personal tendencies and character are a result of this scripting. “I apologize too much because my parents would get upset if I made even the smallest of mistakes.”
  • Environmental Determinism: Something in your environment is responsible for your situation. “My boss is ruining my sleep schedule! He keeps assigning me urgent tasks at the very last minute and I stay up all night to complete them.”

Now, we can (and most of the times are) still a byproduct of the stimuli that have occurred over our life, BUT we are not defined by them and we cannot attribute our present and future responses to this and this alone.

‘Proactivity’ Defined

Proactivity isn’t initiative – submitting an assignment a week ahead of the due date is taking initiative, not being proactive.

Proactivity is the ability to choose your response. This means that highly proactive individuals do not blame circumstances, conditioning, or conditions for their behavior. They understand that their behavior is a product of their conscious choice on the matter.

Proactive vs Reactive

No one can hurt you without your consent
Eleanor Roosevelt

We are, by nature, proactive. So if we live our lives because of our conditioning, it’s because we have chosen to allow those things to control us. This choice makes us reactive instead of proactive.

Let’s say it’s raining out: the reactive individual may become affected by the bad weather and feel miserable. The proactive individual, however, would still be able to be productive as they are driven more by the their values and less by whether it was rain or shine.

Or let’s say that a project is behind schedule and your coworker is falling behind on his portion of the project. The reactive individual may complain about the tight deadline or their coworker for causing delays. The proactive individual would reach out to communicate with key stakeholders to either extend the deadline or reach out to this coworker to see if you could provide help to them.

Even the language used by proactive vs reactive individuals differs greatly. Reactive people use language that absolves them of responsibility: examples like “He makes me so mad!” or “I can’t do that. I just don’t have the time. ” Proactive people use language that takes responsibility for their response: “I’m frustrated by his actions!” or “I run out of time, so I’ll prioritize some of my other tasks before getting to it.”

Proactive individuals are STILL influenced by external stimuli, but their response is a value-based choice or response. They are making a decision to act rather than to be acted on.

Circle of Influence vs Circle of Concern

Another way to figure out how proactive you are is by examining your Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern. Circle of Concern refers to the set of concerns that we don’t have power to change. Circle of Influence refers to the set of things that we can do something about.

Proactive individuals are focused on the things that they can control – their Circle of Influence. As such, they aren’t bogged down by things that have little to not impact on them.
Reactive individuals focus on the entire Circle of Concern, which includes even the things that they may not be able to control. They effectively saddle themselves with distractions, which prevents them from achieving all that they potentially could achieve.

Now Apply It (and How)!

The 30-Day Test of Proactivity:

[Proactivity] is in the ordinary events of every day that we develop the proactive capacity to handle the extraordinary pressures of life. It’s how we make and keep commitments, how we handle a traffic jam, how we respond to an irate customer or a disobedient child. It’s how we view our problems and where we focus our energies. It’s the language we use.

I would challenge you to test the principle of proactivity for 30
days. Simply try it and see what happens. For 30 days work only in
your Circle of Influence. Make small commitments and keep them.
Be a light, not a judge. Be a model, not a critic. Be part of the
solution, not part of the problem.

Application Suggestions:

  1. For a full day, listen to your language and to the language of
    the people around you. How often do you use and hear reactive
    phrases such as “If only,” “I can’t,” or “I have to”
  2. Identify an experience you might encounter in the near future
    where, based on past experience, you would probably behave
    reactively. Review the situation in the context of your Circle of
    Influence. How could you respond proactively? Take several
    moments and create the experience vividly in your mind, picturing
    yourself responding in a proactive manner. Remind yourself of the
    gap between stimulus and response. Make a commitment to yourself
    to exercise your freedom to choose.
  3. Select a problem from your work or personal life that is
    frustrating to you. Determine whether it is a direct, indirect, or no
    control problem. Identify the first step you can take in your Circle of
    Influence to solve it and then take that step.
We are responsible for our own effectiveness, for our own happiness, and ultimately, I would say, for most of our circumstances
Stephen Covey

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Side Note: The one thing I disagree with Covey on this matter

While I think that it’s nearly universal that individuals can determine how they respond to outside conditions, I think it’s rather callous to tell someone who suffers from depression or is unhoused that they have all the power to affect change in their situation. My belief is that this really applies when you have your basic needs met – such as Safety and Physiological needs.

References

  1. Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 habits of highly effective people : powerful lessons in personal change. Free Press. ↩︎